found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
