What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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