made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
