chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
