Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
