I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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