It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
