I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
