Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
