There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
