first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
