i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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