When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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