i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
high people should be assigned attendants
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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