I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
