Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
