I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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