He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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