the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
