Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
