Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish I only lived at night.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
