I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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