sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
