Banned from zoo.
Again?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
