I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
