I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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