It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
