i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You may now shotgun with the bride
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
