so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
