is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
if only i could text you this smell
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
