ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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