you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
