nut hugger
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
