My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
