so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
