P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
