alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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