I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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