Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's Friday. Sex?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
