Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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