her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
