Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
