Say something about gay babies.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
