...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
