Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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