she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
