she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
