We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
