There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize