so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
