i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
