She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
