I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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