I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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