:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
too bad you live with your parents still
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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