I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize