oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
