your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
