life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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