you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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