As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
