Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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