Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
