Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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