She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
should my penis look like a turkey
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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