did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
