I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize