Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
