I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
