So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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