I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
