The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
