Little spoons don't ask big questions
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
