Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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