So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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