She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
