Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
